Today was a fine day, sunshine all around, the pavement-cafes on my street were all filled up with Amsterdammers who never seem to have a job to go to, enjoying their Hazelnut Macchiato low fat lattes.
I cycled my way to the Dam square, where i saw a girl holding a sign saying:
free tours!
What the #?
Trying to destroy our business? What's in it for them? Must be some catch. Come to my silk shop?
As i listened in, i heard the guide, who was British(sic!) make several crucial mistakes concerning our national history, so you get what you don't pay for.
Anyway i was there to do some tour-guiding myself. A group of about 90 students from Eindhoven with their teachers were to be guided through the red light district. They studied 'recreational studies', so they had come to the right address. Most of them were girls in the ages of 16 to 18. They were to be divided in four groups.
I found that most of the students were of the opinion that prostitutes were in general victims and that they were victims because they were 'weak', as they put it. (I would say there are a lot of girls who have become victims of ruthless pimps because they are vulnerable. But who is
not vulnerable in puberty?)
That's why it was so interesting that at the end of the tour they were confronted with a very self assured prostitute. Her name is Samantha (nickname is monster because of her size DD), she was interviewed and afterwards the students could ask questions.
This is an eye-opener, because most people don't know a prostitute personally. Most customers only get 15 minutes, in which they don't do a lot of talking. Most people have never considered a prostitute to be a normal person. Emotionally stable, sympathetic, someone that you can relate to.
She is one of the very very few prostitutes who actually chose from her own free will to do this job. She is married and has two children, the oldest is 7. She likes sex and she likes her job. Ofcourse there are sides to her work that she dislikes, but that goes for most professions.
Her husband used to be a sex worker himself. She says that she couldn't imagine her marriage to work with someone who wouldn't come from the same trade. They have an open relationship, have to with her profession where she not only works behind the window, but also goes on short holidays with her clients. The other day she went on a styling date with a long time customer: did his hair, went clothes shopping etc. The deal with her husband is: never fall in love with someone else.
Samantha believes that a lot of marriages are saved by prostitution. A lot of men have sexual fantasies, testosteron drives the primeval need to spread the seed from their loins. If there were no prostitutes, they'd probably get a girlfriend and could very possibly fall in love with them, which could easily lead to divorce.
Most of Samantha's customers are into SM, where she is the mistress. SM pays better than the 50 euros that 15 minutes of straight sex cost (no kissing, touching or hugging. Basically there's only genital contact with the average
John).
SM clients have either traumatic experiences in their youth or hold high power positions. Not everyone has the character to be a mistress. You need to be feared. You need the psychological insight to know how far you can go.
Samantha is very open about her work, but she fears that her children will be teased and isolated in school when people find out about her profession over there. She will tell her children about it when they're old enough to understand, which according to her would be at the age of 12.
She'd like to come out in the open and write a book about her life and then go on TV to promote it, she feels very strongly about showing people that not all prostitutes are victims, and that in fact it is a hard and difficult job that deserves respect.
I believe that in our culture prostitutes are looked down upon because sex is automatically associated with romantic love. And especially women are expected to remain faithful.
In sub-saharan cultures sex is more accepted as a medium of exchange for women. In general, sex is less burdened with morals in black Africa. In Madagascar there was a song topping the charts, where the man complains: moi content, toi content, pourquoi moi payer?. I'm happy, you're happy, so why should i pay? But that's their culture, men pay for casual sex. It's understandable because for women it's more difficult to get any other kind of job. Because of this, prostitutes are held in higher esteem than in europe. With all that poverty, anyone who can provide an income for their family, is valued.
It's still a long way to go before prostitution will be widely accepted as a therapeutic massage of the sexual organs.
Isn't everyone who works for money a prostitute?
Labels: africa, amsterdam, prostitution, red light district, sm, tour-guide
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